How is it possible to lose all track of time? It passes silently, like a cloud floating across the sky. One moment you’re laying in the grass, looking upward, watching clouds with your 3 y/old. Together, you imagine they are elephants, dragons or pirate ships. Giggling at the funny shapes. And trying to answer the question of “why can’t people fly?”. Then you blink. The animals and ships have disappeared. No more shapes. Or grass. Or sky. Or silly “flying” questions. No more time for imagination games. Blink. No more 3 year old.
She’s a Senior. She’s turning 18. Today! Your time together is spent looking at a college applications. Filling out scholarship forms. And explaining how insurance and financial aid work. The cloud games are a distant memory. Blink. How did we get here? Where’s my little girl that walked everywhere on her tip toes? Where’s the cutie that nearly wore out her bouncy seat because she loved to jump so much? Where’s the toddler that had so much hair, I styled it in the most adorable “fountain” hair do ever? Where’s the little girl that made my heart skip the first time I heard her say”momma”? Blink. Blink. Blink. Blinking is overrated.
But, I clear my eyes. Blink. And look again.
She’s still here. She still walks on her toes, but now it’s in soccer cleats. She still bounces. Except it’s just her leg when she is nervous or anxious. She still has lots of hair. I get to style it sometimes, but now it’s herringbone and French braids. She can still change the rhythm of my heart with just a single word. The sound of her voice when she says it tells me everything. Like the moment she called to tell me she was in a car accident. Or the time she came into my room crying over a heartbreak. Or the time she found THE perfect prom dress. Blink.
Hang on though…
Instead of being upset about where the time has gone, I’m realizing that I should be proud of what she has done as it passed. She has grown into an intelligent, beautiful, deeply devoted young woman. She loves soccer. She’s captain of her competitive team and her high school team. She loves steak, sushi and Chinese food. She loves her family. Her friends. And, most importantly, she loves God. She wants to attend college and study to be a physical therapist. Blink.
I’m so proud of her. I’m actually beginning to look forward to the blink. Who knows where I might find her the next time I open my eyes?
I love you, Aleecia Nichole.